An unexpected twist in the 49th year

I am now, officially, a victim of the U.S. economy. (For some reason, I like repeating that phrase. It makes me feel like a part of the culture of the country, something I don't always feel.) But let me back up: On Wednesday, as part of a company wide restructuring at Conde Nast and at SELF, I was laid off along with 8 of my colleagues (and apparently around 60 others at the company.

I always pride myself on my intuitive skills, but while I knew budget cuts were coming, I must admit my radar failed me in this case. I was shocked, and there is nothing fun about being part of a small group packing up offices while the rest of the shell-shocked staff tip-toes by, making sympathetic looks.

It's empty!

But. The truth is, after more than a decade at SELF and more than two decades in magazine publishing, I am (to put it mildly) ready for a change. For the past year, I've been talking, planning and reflecting on what my next phase of life will be: a job in digital, hopefully working on something I love (books? longform journalism?) A combo platter of editing, writing, teaching, consulting and flexible living situation shared between NYC and CT and, hopefully, more far flung places. (A few months in Rome? A distinct possibility.)

Not that I haven't shed a few tears. It's hard to say goodbye to colleagues of eleven years, and no one wants to be told to clear out. But those eleven years have also bought me a nice cushion of severance, a wonderful luxury. I am grateful for that. And the more hours pass since walking out of the 4 Times Square, the happier and lighter I feel. I'm excited to run every day and sit less at my computer. I am excited to write in our new gazebo.

An indoor/outdoor space with a view--and no wireless. Perfect for writing.

And when I look at the week ahead, I feel pretty excited: A few private editing projects for tomorrow. A consulting gig for Wednesday. A new writing group on Thursday night. A mediabistro teaching gig that starts next week. A spontaneous trip to London the following week--on frequent flier  miles (I'm tagging along with a friend who is going on a business trip, so no hotel costs, either).

I never thought I'd be excited to freelance, but after 25 years or so of (corporate) office life, I find I'm looking forward to finding my own rhythm, seeing what comes my way, variety, more flexible hours (I am not a 9 to 5 person by nature) and seeing if I can make a go of it combining a little bit of office work and a lot of remote work from wherever I happen to be. My goal for the first six months: To do work that feels fun, challenging and meaningful, to earn enough to pay my bills, and to be able to put a little bit away in savings. I am open for business! Woo-hoo! Stay tuned for more on how this new situation will affect my dual domicile marriage. Your guess is as good as mine! All I know is: Right now, I am definitely not feeling Monday Morning Dread. Partly because this will be my view tomorrow morning.