Friday, September 7, 2012

Declaration of dependence?

It's important to appreciate the little things after the end of a long vacation. The waning of jet lag. Seeing friends again. Resuming a running routine. (Two days in a row around the Central Park Reservoir and counting, despite a sore toe and knee. Must be getting older, because the number of sore joints are adding up.) Clean laundry. Sleeping in one's own bed. The fact that as hot and steamy as New York City can be in the summer, it will never be quite as hot and steamy as it was in Tel Aviv. Walk outside and dare to step out of the shade and you are instantly drenched in sweat. Or, at least, that's how it was for me.

Then again, coming home also brings a few negatives. Like not being with my honey. After we travel together, I get accustomed to having him around. But I may not see him this weekend, which will mean two weeks spent apart. I have a family event in NYC this weekend, and my s.o. can't come. My current plan is to get on Metro North after the event on Saturday night, ride up to New Haven, have him pick me up, and  spend late Saturday night and Sunday together. Then back to the city Monday morning. Part of me feels silly  doing that kind of traveling for what amounts to not much more than 24 hours together. After all, shouldn't I take the opportunity to enjoy the city, my apartment, solitude, etc., etc? But the truth is, the longer I'm married, the less I like being apart--and a two week separation feels like a big drag. Does that mean I'm turning into a weenie? Becoming too dependent on my husband? I'm not entirely sure. But I miss our little lake house, I miss our cat, Lexi and I miss the physical presence of my partner. Scary to feel so tethered to another person. What has happened to the fiercely independent woman I used to be?

Intertwined? Attached at the hip? How much connectedness is too much?

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