Thursday, October 25, 2012

Spates of calm amidst the angst

It's funny, life. You wish for something--like more freedom, time to be creative, a reprieve from sitting in a windowless office every weekday, all day. Then you get those things and you feel...very unsettled. My husband keeps saying: Be happy! Embrace this opportunity. But he's used to ups and downs--he's a small business owner, one of those people they keep bringing up in this election. And now, I guess, so am I. And maybe I am embracing to the best of my ability (I'm off to london for six days tomorrow night.) But mostly I realize I don't like uncertainty. I need to get better at handling it, at trusting that the work will keep coming, as it has so far, that the money will come, the bills will get paid, and that I will feel happier and freer and more creative and blessed. How long will it take? It reminds me of a bad breakup, when you just want to skip over the painful part. I wish I could give this current state a miss. I just have to hope that this is all part of my usual pattern: Resist change initially, kicking and screaming, then wake up one day and say: Wow. This is fine. Actually, it's better than fine. I'm happy.


  1. I'm sure it really does take getting used to - I'm so programmed by a schedule that once that it is no longer in place - then what? But I guess it's the "then what" to discover. What if this had been your choice and you said - "I'm going freelance and see what is out there. I want to take the time to enjoy being newly married and healthy and vibrant." ??

    Love your blog.

  2. I can understand the nervousness around the uncertainty of being unemployed. I hope you enjoy having more downtime to explore your creativity.
    Good luck!